Friday, August 29, 2008
Keep breathing, keep, keep breathing! This was the song that played in my head for this day and I dont know the reason why. (Pero, i just found out na mali pala ang lyrics na kinakanta ko the whole time: salamat kay ms. chan). The actual lyrics of the song is
keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding. But i guess i'll have to stick to my own lyrics because it somehow portrays the realization I just had for this day. I slept around 2:30 am after i lost playing tong-its with gian and pretending to have liked the mcdo i ordered without ketchup (it sucked, really). Before got into my bed, i already know that i'll be having one hell of a friday. I woke up around 7:30 and exercised the usual morning rituals. For some reason (and I dunno what the reason was), I was really having a bad time. I easily get irritated by other people (seatmate, classmate, profs, random people/stranger, friends, tindera, etc.) myself, the toki/ikot jeep, the casaa (where i had lunch), etc. Thank God my bio lab class was cancelled (which, by the way is a
very rare case in IB). While waiting for the photocopy of bio lec notes, i was having a chat with some of my bio buddies. We were talking about the usual med school dream that almost everyone in IB (and other UP studes as well) want. Instead of being encouraged by the talk we had, we found ourselves discouraged. I dont want to dwell on the details of our talk but it was an added discouragement for me. Parang di ko na kaya ang haggard na buhay na ito. What more sa med school? Kaya naman, lalo akong na-badtrip. Mas na-IRITA ako sa mga bagay-bagay. I was cursing the whole time. I was not in the mood of attending the AP12 suroy-suroy meeting and the ABM GA. Kimmy texted me para pumunta sa friday club ng MBS. At dahil badtrip ako, di ako pumunta. POTEK. Talagang badtrip ang lahat. Buti nalang pumunta ako sa youth service.
yess. I dont want to picture myself here as a "good" person because i am NOT. I dont want to picture myself here as a religious man because i am NOT, really. After the service, andami kong na-realize. Parang pumasok lang bigla ang realizations ko sa akin. One thing that made me happy was that hindi na ako medyo nagca-care kung mababa ang grades ko. parang whatever na lang. there are alot of things na mas mahalaga. baka, kung sobrang pag-gigiitan ko ang sarili ko sa pagiging GC, i'll miss a lot of good things.
Life is short. Basta, pag nasa death bed na ako, wala akong pagsisisihan. And i'm pretty sure wala pa naman ata. I also realized that i was a very shortsighted person. napaka-superficial ko. whatever. now, im trying to
see things in the light of eternity. yung tipong may lasting effect ba itong ginagawa ko? Slowly, everything around me ay parang gumaan. yess. Parang lumabas ang rainbows at butterflies (ambading! haha) kahit gabi na. After the service, i decided to go to the library to finish my chem RDR. I brought books with me, i also found out na nawala pala ang kem lab book ko. wala rin pala akong data. pero, di na ako nainis at nagmura. parang,
easy lang ako. Kaya, i decided to make to blog entry in the library. maganda ang ganitong pakiramdam. pramis. Even though i am faced with the reality that next week, i'll have four exams plus an RDR... parang di na ako maxadong nagrereklamo. ano ba ang magagawa ng reklamo ko? but you see, di rin ako naging sobrang care-free person. siyempre, there's still that drive sa akin to do my best (kaya nga nasa lib ako ngayon eh).
Masarap ang ganitong pakiramdam. Sabi nga ni Colbie Caliat (2008):
take time to realize. If you find yourself in a bad day, or caught in a web of problems... try to stop, take time to realize and you'll see things in an illogical manner.
Problems turn to oppurtunites... the dark turns into light, death becomes life, coffee becomes milk (okay, whatever na).
The picture above inspired me (sorry kung whatever sya, pero para sa akin sobrang natuwa ako). My aunt send me this one in my e-mail and i just saw it a while ago and I wanted to share it with everyone. Anyway, gusto ko lang sabihin na there's more to life that everyone of us just dont seem to know. Andyan lang yan. Try to see it. Keep breathing, keep, keep breathing (whatever kunyari ang conclusion ko).
Nung binasa ko ulit ang sinula tko, wala pala syang gaanong sense. haha.
3:32 AM
